Last Sunday, I was honoured to have been invited onto BBC One to appear on Sunday Morning Live to take part in a live debate, alongside Dr Emily Setty and Martin Seager, on the topic of whether Boys Should Receive Lessons in Toxic Masculinity.
I’m writing this short blogpost to reiterate arguments I made on the day, to address arguments I failed to make on the day due to a lack of time, and to provide a response to arguments made by Seager on which I disagreed.
Before I start, you should know that, as I understood it, Seager’s argument was that lessons in toxic masculinity were damaging to young people, for two main reasons: Firstly, the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ is harmful in that it teaches boys that they – by virtue of the fact that they are male – are inherently toxic, and secondly, the fact that the majority of men are good, means that any discussions of toxic masculinity are totally unworthwhile anyway.
Here’s what I think:
- The phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ is not harmful
It’s only fair to Seager to mention that Setty – whom I hugely admire, and have learnt lots from – also believed that the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ could alienate young boys.
I disagree. In fact, I would go as far as to say that such an assumption does a huge disservice to boys and in fact merely plays up to gender stereotypes that suggest boys struggle to recognise, appreciate and understand the nuance of complex material, a belief which I believe is a large factor in boys’ continued educational underperformance.
I once said, inexplicably, ‘If you show a teenage boy a poodle, he don’t’ go away thinking that all dogs have perms.’ In the same way,he doesn’t see toxic masculinity and walk away full of self-loathing and bitterness. It is my experience – as someone who speaks to hundreds of adolescent boys every month about the topic of toxic masculinity – when boys understand that the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ is not the same as ‘all masculinity is toxic’, they are willing to listen and learn about something which will, if it hasn’t already, certainly make a damned good effort to grab a hold of them at some point in their male lives.
A boy who attended one of my recent toxic masculinity workshops had this to say:
The session took a realistic view of what to do and [Matt] talked directly about the reality of trying to do the right thing. He managed to tell us what they’re doing is wrong, without being righteous.
Crediting boys with a little bit of intelligence goes a long way. Anybody who assumes that a simple mention of the phrase ‘toxic masculinity’ immediately sets boys up for a lifetime of self-loathing and resentment isn’t crediting boys with the intelligence they possess.
- The phrase toxic masculinity is really useful
I’d also argue that, if anything, the phrase toxic masculinity is actually very useful. Language makes abstract ideas concrete and without it the world would be chaos. Imagine if we didn’t have a word for ‘love’, ‘hate’, ‘jealousy’ or ‘joy’. Where would we be? Just as these phrases help us better understand the good and bad parts of ourselves and the society in which we live, so too does the phrase ‘toxic masculinity.’ The moment we mention a distinct brand of masculinity that is harmful to ourselves and others, we automatically acknowledge that there are greater, more desirable, alternatives that we can strive for. Toxic Masculinity is the springboard that allows us to reach a place where we can view tender masculinities.
- You’re really giving lessons too much credit
If you think a few lessons asking boys to discuss, reflect upon, and engage with the topic of toxic masculinity is going to lead to all boys seeing themselves as toxic individuals, then I’m afraid you’re going to be very disappointed. Learning does not work like a hypodermic syringe. After all, in my role as an English teacher, every day I ask kids to discuss, reflect upon and engage with the topic of English Literature. Does every one of those kids finish their time with me as a bonafide expert in Macbeth, Gothic fiction, or 20th Century poetry? Course they don’t.
- Lessons in toxic masculinity just make sense
The Citizenship curriculum states that schools must provide students with the knowledge and skills to ‘explore political and social issues critically.’ If you’re somebody who believes that masculinity is not a political or social issue, you need to talk to more women. Actually, scrap that. You need to listen to more women.
I think I’ve said my piece, but before I do, I just want to address two arguments of Seager’s that I wasn’t able to address on the day, mainly because I didn’t want to seem like a twat who talks and talks without listening to anybody else.
Before I address Seager’s argument I want to first state two things, very clearly:
- Martin Seager was a genial and friendly man off-camera, who very clearly stated to me and Emily that he was not interested in heated argument, but honest debate and education.
- This was a first time on Live TV for all of us, and making a compelling, water-tight, impenetrable argument is a very difficult thing to do in those circumstances.
Seager Argument #1: The majority of people who die in war and at work are men
Whilst this might be true, I don’t view it as a suitable argument for not giving lessons in toxic masculinity. In fact, isn’t it toxic expectations of male violence, and toxic pressures on men to provide and protect – either through organised military combat or overworking – that lead to disproportionate male suicides and higher levels of cardiac arrest.
Seagler’s Argument #2: Boys and girls commit sexual harassment equally.
Whilst Seager was unable to point to a specific study, Seager did mention that there is evidence to suggest boys and girls commit sexual harassment equally in schools. I’ve never come across this evidence, nor can I find it. What I have found is this report from Ofsted which correctly acknowledges that girls are disproportionately affected by sexual violence and harassment. The report cites evidence that states that 90% of child rape victims are females and that nearly a third of all girls have been the victims of sexual harassment in schools: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges
All Ears 